Friday, August 26, 2011

Soul Searching..

You know, when I was a child I was teased and tormented for being overweight. Not just once or by one person..but by many people and for many years. I refused yearbook pictures and didn't even have my senior picture made, only because I hated how I looked. Thanks "friends!" for screwing my life up. Some of those were in my family and some were my peers at school. I know kids will ridicule and they will bully...but what they don't understand..or have the capacity to understand..is that it does not stop when the words stop. My mind still goes back to those days and sometimes when I look in the mirror, I hate what I see. Why? Because I started to believe what everyone had said about me. I have spent the majority of my life feeling less than. Inadequate. My parents and immediate family tried to uplift me and they have always been my rock and my support. But in the "real world" it is very different. Family members and the children at school had no idea what kind of heart I had..what a good friend/cousin I could be. They just wanted to make my life hell. Why? Because I was fat. I wasn't mean, cruel, jealous, or hateful. I was just fat. They had no idea that I had a medical condition that causes weight gain..and that I don't overeat. I'm not a pig. I don't shovel food down my throat just because I want it. I will never understand why bullying exists and how someone could hurt another persons soul on purpose. It kills me. I'm an adult now and I feel alot better in my skin these days...but it still hurts. Those words will never go away, the stupid drawings those kids passed around of me in those classes will always haunt me. I've been doing some soul searching lately and I've decided to love myself for me and I'm going to try and forget all those nasty comments/pictures everytime I look in the mirror.

1 comment:

Beth said...

You are beautiful, inside and out!!