Getting Nervous

It seems like just yesterday I was peeing on a stick. Now here I am pretty much 10 weeks away from giving birth and I'm a nervous wreck. I had a c-section with Noah & it was a HORRIBLE experience. I'm not sure if I've ever blogged about it or not. November 2005 I was induced. Contractions started up as normal & increased throughout the day. 12 hours later I was still having contractions (no pain meds - trying the natural route) yet I couldn't dilate past 4. The nurse suggested an epidural even though I was dead set on having a natural birth. She said it might cause me to relax and make things go more quickly. So I caved. It was around 9 pm and the nurse anethesist was downstairs, he had been napping (no lie). He was grumpy & treated me like a dog. At least the pain was gone! About 45 minutes later the midwife checked me and Noah had turned last minute. He was "sunny side up". They said if he was turned or if I tried to push it would break his neck and/or collar bone. I was then wheeled to the OR fo a c-section. Noah's heart rate was also starting to jump around a little and that was making everyone nervous. While I was being wheeled down the hall I started having contractions again and could feel my legs and my toes. I mentioned it and the nurse anethesist said the epidural thingy had came out of my back. WTF?! I was seconds from the OR. Seconds from being sliced open & I could feel everything from the waist down?! While I was still moving he "fixed" it. I was a ball of nerves. I was crying so hard I couldn't even breathe. Everything was pretty much numb, even though I could still slightly feel parts of my body from the waist down. I thought that was normal...how should I have known it wasn't? My dr started doing his thing and told me I would smell a burning smell - before I could smell anything, I felt it. Searing pain going across my stomach. I let out this big screech & he looked puzzled. fyi, he had no clue my epidural had been screwed up and I wasn't in my right mind or I would have thought to have told him. He asked if I could feel that -and of course I told him yes. So he stopped everything (duh) and used a topical numbing agent. Waited a couple of minutes and started again. I felt a stinging sensation but I figured that was normal because I could tolerate it. But who am I kidding. I have an extremely high pain tolerance. About a minute later I felt this horrible crazy searing pain & I couldn't tolerate that at all - it was horrifying. I felt like I was being burned alive with knives in my stomach. After applying the topical numbing shit twice - i was knocked out cold. I don't remember the rest of it. I can barely remember hearing Noah cry after he was born - it sounded like I was in a long tunnel & he was at the other end of it. The next thing I remember was waking up in the recovery room and shortly after I was then wheeled to my room. It was almost midnight. My husband and mom stayed the night with me that night. Here's the other scary part. I never seen a nurse, never got anything for pain. NOTHING. I swear. After midnight, the next time I saw a dr or nurse was when my OB came to check on me the next morning around 9 a.m. I was in tears. Had been all night. I thought I was going to die. My mom and husband had walked the halls all night trying to get someone to help me. No nurse, no pain meds, noone gave me a pad, noone put a bed pad down in my bed. Tmi, but it looked like a murder scene had taken place in my room. The dr was furious. Absolutely furious! He had ordered me something for pain that was suppose to be given to me every so many hours. The nurse that I never had didn't even put those leg stocking things on me that helps prevent blood clots. My dr stormed out of the room & got things taken care of quickly. From there on out I was treated like a Queen. That night just felt like a week & it was the most painful and most scary time of my life. OH, I never even got to see Noah either!!! Not unil the next morning after I had been taken care of. Then I developed pneumonia and had a fever..so Noah had to stay in the nursery (even longer) until my fever broke. I was in the hospital for 7 days. I'm praying daily that this doesn't happen again. I've been so scared & nervous that I can't even enjoy this pregnancy...